I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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