Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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