ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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