i already hear my dad disowning me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
