What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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