The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
