I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
