dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize