I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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