Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
