My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
