Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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