Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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