i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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