Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i came on her dog
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
