I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
