She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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