I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im holly from the hills drunk
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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