I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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