I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
