How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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