I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
