either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
