He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
