Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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