Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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