I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
