You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
