First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
try to milk me bitch
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