So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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