they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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