Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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