i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
MIDGETS
????
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
