You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A bitchslap is in order.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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