Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
