careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
