My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
