dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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