First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
