That's when you crack a 10am beer
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
