You can't special order awesome
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
