U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
