i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
a search helicopter?!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
