I need help removing her.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
