okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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