I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
