I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
