Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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