The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
