hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
