remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
