i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
