Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He? As in you personified your dick?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
